Tag Archives: relationships

From Dating to Mating: Relationship Expert Blane Bachelor Tells it Like it T-I-S!

By: Intern Tia Tia

I often ask myself, ‘how many people in Atlanta are actually in healthy and happy relationships?’  Being an African-American woman where there are news reports reminding me or suggesting to me that I’ll never find a suitable mate of the same race, I find myself feeling bummed about it at times. So, I’m really looking forward to hearing how Blane Bachelor was able to ditch the meaning of her last name – ‘Bachelor’, going from ‘singledom’ to ‘wedded bliss’.  I’m currently not in a relationship; however I would love to be in one, so I look forward to her tips.

Blane is an internationally published writer and author of On Being a Bachelor: Thoughts on Dating, Mating and Relating.  Her book was inspired by her popular and long-running column in The Sunday Paper, an alternative weekly newspaper in Atlanta. Blane has written hundreds of articles and columns about dating, relationships, travel and pop culture for outlets including Marie Claire, Women’s Health, People.com, Modern Bride, Zink!, the Christian Science Monitor and USA Today.

Her website is filled with ‘Questions of the Week’ check out this except below:

Suspect your boyfriend is cheating on you — with your brother-in-law? Sick of being burned by bad boys, but no idea how to relate to a guy who says he’ll call and — OMG! — actually does? Caught the old ball and chain balling someone else?

Let syndicated advice columnist Blane Bachelor come to your rescue with free dating advicee that’s as real as her name. Ask a Bachelor appears weekly in Atlanta’s The Sunday Paper and in the Fort Worth Star-Telegram’s online magazine, http://www.dfw.com, and their Ink Edition.

Just send in your drama or trauma from the form to the right, or via e-mail to askabachelor@sundaypaper.com. Whether you need help on getting over a breakupsex tips or just a slap of reality, Blane is ready to help.

You just gotta love that intro!  Weekly, Blane posts different questions on her page to stir up thinking around your own relationships or relationships that you want to have.

To read the advice this now hitched woman dishes, view her page, www.askabachelor.  You can catch Blane this Friday, September 17, 2010  at 11AM EST on The Greenlight Project with Tamika & Rochelle, so tune in as they dive into the intriguing topic of relationship and mating!!!

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Unleashing the Baggage

By: Tamika L. Morrison

Ever listen to the lyrics of Erykah Badu’s ‘Bag Lady’? She says:

Bag Lady

Bag lady you gone miss your bus
You can’t hurry up
Cause you got too much stuff
When they see you comin
[They Just] take off runnin

From you it’s true oh yes they do

Boy, don’t we all carry a heavy load – men and women!  In this fallen world I’ve learned the wounds of living a life that gives you wisdom, experience and success rarely ever – if ever – will protect you from the pains that’s part of obtaining all that ‘good stuff’ I just mentioned.  I never realized it also required me to learn those other benefits like forgiveness, moving on to the next and just letting it go <– the latter is what I often find the most difficult to do and so, my baggage gets heavier.  You know what I’m talking about?

As Badu’s lyrics so eloquently warn, “One day all them bags gone get in your way”. To make sure you got that, I made the last sentence in larger letters on purpose *wink*.  And trust, that day may come as unexpected and unwelcome as all the other curve balls life put in our path – but you don’t have to be caught off guard.  I’m one that embraces the idea – as often as I need – of seeking an objective viewpoint.  For those of you still lost – I mean, seeking out a therapist.  I have sought the help of a trusted therapist in the past and when I need a little help getting over the hump or spring cleaning my proverbial closet when it gets too daunting to tackle on my own, I dial-up my therapist!

Some of us believe that we’re ‘strong enough’, ‘wise enough’, ‘smart enough’ to figure it all out – I’m with you!  But, I also know when things just get a little too convoluted in my quest to understand, forgive, recall, forgive, re-live, forgive, hurt again, forgive – normally that only equates to me going into fierce protection mode which looks like: anger, defensiveness, attitudinal mood swings and maybe actual swings if I don’t get that objective viewpoint soon enough!

So, in the spirit of Badu’s ‘Bag Lady’, I encourage us all to clean up those closets when they very apparently call you to do so and pack light – you don’t want to miss your train or plane to your desired destination (marriage, career advancement, career fulfillment, friends/relationships, vacations, etc.) because you had too much of a load.

UNLEASH THE BAGGAGE!

Until next time,

Peace….

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Running on Empty

By: Tamika L. Morrison

How many of you have experienced that burned out feeling when you’ve had too much to do and not enough time to get it all done?  At the end of over committing yourself – giving everything and everyone your mediocre best, you are drained and maybe even feeling dazed and confused – not a good look. And as my mother would say, “You can’t always be on everyone’s set.”  (So True!)

I feel like I’ve been running on empty since the beginning of this year!  With a new partnership and a growing agency, my responsibilities, accountabilities, to do’s, deadlines, meetings and overdue returned phone calls seem to overshadow the fact that I still have to clean my house, keep on top of my chores, find time for friends and family, find time to train for my first marathon and by golly, act as if I am in a relationship too – whew, that’s just too much!

I keep hearing about this thing called work/life balance and although I am hoping it exists, it somehow continues to elude me.  I think in order to get this ‘work/life’ thing, you have to be willing to let some things go, so to that end, I am officially on empty and will share with you a few links from some other  great bloggers I love to read and adore and they are also part of our growing TWS family!

Check out @afrobella and Ms. Renea Bluitt from In Her Shoes Blog:

http://www.afrobella.com/

http://www.inhershoesblog.com/

I’m going off to find that balance, so I’ll see ya’ll next week!

Ciao!

Follow me @twsprfirm

The State of Family & Marriage in the Black Community

By: Tamika L. Morrison

Let me start of by saying, “I am a single black woman, never married”, but I do desire and believe in family and marriage.  It has been widely reported, speculated and even breaking news in some arenas that black women are not marrying as often as or quickly as their Latina, White, Asian, Indian, Chinese and other varieties of ‘Anglo-Saxon’ counterparts.  As a matter of fact, Forty-two-percent of black women have never been married, compared to 21% of white women, according to national statistics. Within the last two generations, marriage rates for African-Americans have dropped significantly. Between 1970 and 2001, the black marriage rate dropped by 34 percent, compared to 17 percent in the general population. African-American women are also the least likely group to get married in the United States. And if they (black women) wed an African-American man, those couples have the highest divorce rate in the United States.  Is this a stereotype or is this reality?  Well, I can only speak from my own experience.

My parents never married – each other, but both of them are married today – to different spouses who are black.  That said, since I came from a single-parent home I have conflicting views at times on love and marriage from a black woman’s perspective but I was given the chance to witness what life is like in a two-parent household via friends that lived such a life.  Although I ached deeply for my dad’s constant presence in my home, I was also equally relieved he and my mother never married, simply because they weren’t compatible.  Even still, I and many of my friends suffered from what’s called “daddy issues” and when you compare those of us with “daddy issues” with my friends who actually grew up with their father, I must admit there is a remarked difference in how we feel about love and marriage. I personally am terrified that it won’t last until death do us part. Nevertheless, I will not allow this fear to stay in the way of what I desire for myself and my future family.

That brings me to two things – On April 2nd, Tyler Perry’s coveted sequel, “Why Did I Get Married Too?” will be released and will reunite four couples that deal with life-altering situations and common relationship issues to most couple – regardless of race – fidelity, trust, forgiveness and love.  Personally, I appreciate Perry humanizing the ‘black love experience’ by showing in his films – yes, we do still get married to each other and yes, our relationship issues are not uncommon to those of other races. It also helps to put to rest the media’s obsession with stereotyping what’s been dubbed, “The State of the Single Black Female”.  I’ve read and heard the movie reviews and many applaud Tyler’s sequel depicting Black love and marriage, congratulating the characters for showing depth in their respective interpretations and even the appreciation for some of the exaggeration in classic Perry style. I second the motion by praising Perry for giving Black love some positive PR.

There’s been a lot going on in the news lately.  I have to admit, the term “March Madness” has lived up to its reputation this year in particular from entertainment think (Howard Stern’s comments on ‘Precious’ breakout star and Sandra Bullock’s love woes) to politics Healthcare Reform (nuff said) and everything in between. But I’m happy to report as we Spring into April, (pun intended) Black couples will be marking the eighth annual Black Marriage Day, typically celebrated the 4th weekend in March, by attending workshops, black-tie dinners and other activities. Black Marriage Day founder Nisa Islam Muhammad is encouraging couples to renew their vows in front of friends and family in honor of Perry’s movie premier as well as participate in other planned events centered on celebrating Black love.

Even though my lens still bear the coloring of what I experienced as a child growing up in a single-parent household, I hold onto my convictions that Black love exists, contrary to popular beliefs, and I raise my glass in toast with everyone else celebrating because love – especially Black love – is a many splendid thing I look forward to!

Related News:

Why Did I Get Married Too – Trailer

Jill’s Scott’s Take on Interracial Marriage/Relationships

Black Marriage Day

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