The New Norm

Is Marriage Slowly Becoming a Non Factor?

By: K. Denise Richardson

As I am getting older, nearing the “marrying age” in life, my mind can’t help but drift to starting a family. And by family, I mean “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.” Yes, I may walk down the street and see an adorable pink and green diaper bag or a beautiful baby with an infectious laugh and feel a little tug at my uterus. BUT, as I think about that rent I have to pay and my ringless finger, I snap back to reality and continue on my merry way. While I do believe that babies are God’s gift to the world, that’s one gift I can hold off on for a minute. I want to be able to provide my children with a loving 2 parent happy home without having to worry about financial burdens.

It seems that the younger generations of today think that having babies is cool. It’s slowly becoming a normal topic of conversation. Hey, we all know stuff happens but when you are taking no precautions or are aiming to have a baby out of wedlock what are your reasonings? Marriage may not be for everyone. That’s your prerogative. Maybe you haven’t found the right one and your eggs are slowly drying up. (Halle Berry) Ok! Maybe you are not in a heterosexual relationship but want a baby. (Melissa Ethridge) Ok! But if you are having a baby by a man in hopes that he’ll stay with you, that he will leave his wife for you, or that you will be taken care of monetarily for the next 18 years… PLEASE STOP THE MADNESS! There is nothing more sorry than a woman using the gift of life to capitalize on a man for her own personal gain. That is the epitome of selfishness and her uterus should be returned to God.

I’m seeing less and less proposals being made, yet more and more babies popping up. Yes, if 5 people get engaged, it seems like OMG Everyone is getting married. But in reality, there are 10 others having babies. I’m just not cool with this. I watch MTV’s 16 and Pregnant quite often and can’t help but to think how ridiculous these girls sound. I’ve seen MAYBE 2 where the baby’s father hasn’t dipped out. These young mothers say, “Well he didn’t have to stay but he did because he loves me.” Ummmmm since when did a man taking care of his child become a bonus!?? That is to be expected and should be the norm, not an outlier. Someone via Twitter told me yesterday that “Just because a guy is your Prince Charming does not mean you are his Cinderella. Until you have the glass slipper, you are just another girl.”  Deep right?! Who knew childhood nursery rhymes and Disney movies could teach powerful lessons about life.

I guess my main issue is there are so many talented, gifted, and intelligent women who get sucked into this whirlwind of emotion and use babies as an escape or a method of entrapment. Do better! If we as women would just have the self-esteem to know our worth, we would wait for a guy who loves us unconditionally and could respect us enough to PUT A RING ON IT! Making a guy recognize your worth does not include you lying on your back nor does it have to include you yelling every chance you get about being I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T. So before you are caught up with a new bundle of joy without the love and the marriage, have a real conversation with yourself in the mirror and get YOUR life together.

**hopping off my soapbox**

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9 responses to “The New Norm

  1. Hey Keri…..love it love it…. I couldn’t have said it better that myself. I have been tripping on the exact same thing….I run into guys that have babies all over town yet thet trying to see if they can get into my pants….smh…its not attractive and disappointing. I’m one of those girls who is still looking for that ring but I know my worth….it can get lonely but until my time comes I’m working on my life, my spirit and my financial stability……thanks gurl 🙂

  2. Keri, that was really well written and great to read. I think we’re on the same page girl. Keep up the good work. Now sharing your work on my page. Love u!

  3. Aww thanks DeeDee…Love you too..and yes ma’am we are def on the same page.

  4. I cant even be surprised these days…all I can say is Congratulations and pray for the best for all.

  5. Very good blog! I would also add that I think a lot of women “settle” for having children out of wedlock because they 1. give up on finding a good husband and/or 2. are desperate to have unconditional love from someone, and see a child as the best option. It is truely sad, especially considering the psychological effects a single parent home or parents who don’t get long can have on a child. Keep it up!

  6. Hey keri…read your blog…loved it (OMG) I have been tripping on that for years….I completely agree with every word…Congratulation of your success and the future…I know you will go far and beyond….thats something I have alwasy admired about you (confidence)….you go gurl (martin’s voice)… lol 😉

  7. hey keri. u do make some good points, however, as an unmarried single mother with a baby out of *wedlock* i just have to put it out there that something things happen…i gave birth to my son in my last year of college, a time when i was not planning on having kids anytime soon or getting married anytime soon. but i believed that everything happens for a reason ( i was on the pill) and i knew that this was what i was supposed to do (become a mother). all single mothers or women that have children w/o being married arent just laying on their backs getting pregnant. you never know a persons situation. sometimes things just dont work out the way it was planned. and as far as the statistics go, raising kids w/o 2 parents is what the parent and the child make it. i grew up in a single parent home, and later with an abusive step parent who was on drugs… and i turned out just fine. likewise there are plenty of children who grow up in a stable 2 parent home and end of in jail, strung out, irresponsible, in gangs, etc. life is what u make it, no matter how many parents u grew up with or no matter what age and at what marital status you decided to give birth to a child…

  8. Aww Thanks Ashley. That means a lot to me.

    @Sonja: I definitely understand what you’re saying. And in my post I said we all know things happen. I’m referring to women who WANT to have children out of wedlock for the betterment of themselves, to trap a man, or to get a man to love them because they are now carrying his child. I never said that single parents are bad, my parents were married when I was conceived but later divorced so I was raised in a single parent home. I never wanted for anything and my mother made sure of that. You had/have a greater plan for your life and just because you got pregnant you didn’t let that deter you. You still continue to better yourself, but there are so many out there who don’t and that’s what I’m speaking about in this post. Women who don’t see ahead because they’re only focused on getting pregnant by someone to be taken care of.

  9. wow… amazing. thank you so much for your thoughts and for this article. Perfect timing and I’m so thankful that I ran across this.

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