Eyes Wide Shut

Being Blind When It Comes to Love

By: K. Denise Richardson

I received a very profound email from a Sorority sister of mine that was such an eye opener. Her Pastor’s wife hosted a women’s meeting but was unable to make it due to illness, so the husband filled in. Now there is nothing like the Word of God to get you on the path to righteousness…especially when it comes to relationships. Unfortunately oftentimes as women, we are blinded by love and see only what we want to see and not what’s actually in front of us. Being that he and his wife have been together for over 30 years, he might know a thing or two about marriage.

Every woman, at some point in life, has fallen victim to one or all of these points. Some men have even experienced this. It’s ok if you’re in this situation now. Live, Learn and LEAVE that crazy mofo!

First things FIRST! Marriage DOES NOT change character flaws.  Women have the tendency to jump into a relationship with a JERK (keeping it PG-13) while having a heart full of hope, thinking that she can be the one to tame the beast. More often than not, a person will only change when they’re on the brink of detriment. You wanting it bad enough for him, does not equate to him wanting it for himself. A man has to change because HE wants to. Understandably, no one is perfect so flaws are expected and tolerated to an extent. It’s when they’re brought to his attention and he isn’t receptive to listen or feels that his flaws are in YOUR head that you need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.

Secondly, everyone doesn’t deserve the benefit of the doubt. You need to observe a man’s emotional stability. Emotional instability can manifest itself in the form of an overreaction or detachment to an issue or event. Does he blow up at the slightest things or is he completely stoic to very big issues? Avoid the extremes. Men are not as dumb as they look. Women make excuses to cover their man’s faults. He loves me, he just has a hard time saying it; I know because I can feel it. His dad was abusive so he only hits me when he’s angry. No way Jose’ ! A man who loves you never wants to see you unhappy or hurt and he surely won’t be the cause of it.

Thirdly, it’s a relationship of 2 for a reason. It should be mutually beneficial for both parties involved. If you begin to experience entitlement issues, you may need to re-evaluate the situation. You do not owe any one person walking the Earth a thing. If he feels like he’s entitled to every entity of you (money, time, attention) then what are you getting from this? How are you being fulfilled in the arrangement? No woman should be in a relationship and be unhappy. He who controls your emotions, controls you. You should be equal contributors to the happiness and health of your relationship.  Your man should respect your opinion as you respect his. When his perspective becomes the ONLY perspective, that’s a RED FLAG! It leads to manipulation and control issues that could damage your self-esteem. How are you partners if you’re bringing nothing to the table but a fork and a spoon?

“If you’re going to cook pot roast, it’d be best to have a pot.” Simply put, be prepared before you go into something. Make certain to have all the necessary tools to create something great. You cannot, and I mean cannot, love someone else properly until you love yourself.  If you lack a solid foundation, anything you build will be on quicksand. There is nothing like a great friend. Thank God, I have been blessed with 4 of them. You need people in your life that love you enough to tell you the truth regardless of the outcome.  They should care about your well-being enough to know that you need to hear the truth, even if it hurts.

Now I’m not saying all men are scum, although in recent media it’s been portrayed otherwise. I am a witness that there are great men out there 😉 What I AM saying is that relationships are supposed to make you better, not tear you down. Proceed with caution until you have reason not to. Take your time to get to know a person, know how your man reacts to situations and what makes him tick …or explode. You should know where he comes from and how he was raised. Think about how your family and upbringing have shaped you. Every one has a little crazy in them, while others have a lot. You need to know this!

Lastly, if you are being abused, (mentally, physically, or emotionally) then it’s time to get out NOW! God created no woman to be a punching bag or a welcome mat.  You have to stop being oblivious to red flags in relationships and teetering on cliffs with a blind fold on.

Special thanks to Patty Branch & Pastor AR Bernard

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One response to “Eyes Wide Shut

  1. 1 Corinthians 13:4 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud”

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